“We’re not taking your daughter in to the eating disorder program. We think she’s better suited for ADTP – Adolescent Day Treatment Program ”.
Those words will ring very clearly in my ears for a long time. It was explained to me ( and I think I’ve already mentioned this before), that out of the kids who die from eating disorders, 50% of those deaths are from suicide. Treating the eating disorder is like treating a branch. You still have a sick tree.
After that appointment, I had to head back to ACH for an appointment with our family counselor to discuss how things had gone at the meeting. I was feeling down, and discouraged. I sat down in one of the counseling rooms, and talked about the morning, going alone, listening to my options. We started talking about the ADTP program, and the fact there is a waiting list, so although we didn’t know exactly when she’d get there, the chances were that she would. This was a little frustrating because if I talked to a Dr., they said 2 weeks, and if I talked to a counselor they said up to 5 months, and nurses – they had no idea. My emotions were starting to feel like a yo-yo.
The counselor talked on about the environment, what we could expect, and then she said, “the age of the kids at ADTP is 13 – 17, but mostly 15-17. Your daughter will be the youngest person there. They will discuss strong topics, including suicide, depression, bullying, drugs, even sex………..”.
At that moment time stood still. I was holding a book in my hand and covered my face with it, and the realization that life would never be the same became very, very real. My little girl was never going to be the same. She was going to be with older kids. Suffering older kids. I swear I felt my heart tear apart inside my chest. I’ve said before I’m not usually a crier, but at that moment I cried, out loud – I actually sobbed out loud, like I never had in my life. I felt for a moment that my child had died (or at least I’m pretty sure that’s what it would feel like). I’m not meaning to disrespect anyone who’s lived through that, but it was like a movie, where you see someone burst out with hideous sobbing, unable to even sit up in their chair. I covered my face and just couldn’t quit. My little girlie…………
I apologized to the counselor and was embarrassed, after all my daughter is still here and my behavior must have looked ridiculous, but the shelter of the ACH was going to be gone, and now we would be in the real, tough, scary world. I felt heartbroken for what she has been through, what my boys, my fiancé, my family, and what I had been through, and I knew at that moment it wasn’t about to get easier any time soon.
Here is a bit of info on the Adolescent Day Treatment Program in Calgary. This is a referral program only for kids suffering deeply from all of the issues my daughter is going through. It’s run by the same man who runs the Eating Disorder Clinic in Calgary, so they are familiar with many different issues. Once your child is accepted, they go in to a 3 part program that will eventually integrate them back in to the normal school system. They are assigned a CBE teacher. Yoga and phys. ed. are mandatory classes, as well as 2 other classes each day. They also get intense group, private, and psychiatric counseling by one solid team. Parents must attend a caregiver support group once every 2 weeks. There’s a cook on sight that makes breakfast and hot lunch for the kids. They attend daily but dont go on stat holidays or CBE PD days.
Really when it boils down to it, the program sounded great (once I was past the shock of how quick my daughter was going to grow up). The kicker was the transportation. We don’t live in the city, nor do I work in the city, but my daughter was going to have to be there every day and the ACH wasn’t going to provide transportation. When I got home I decided to email the principal at my daughters school and ask if there were any provisions for transportation through our school board. If not, I was hooped! To my amazement and delight, the school division we are in does provide transportation for students needing support in different districts. AMAZING NEWS! Absolutely a completely amazing piece of news. The stress of transportation would no longer be something I have to worry about. Complete relief!
There is help out there, and I’m learning that all I have to do is ask. This isn’t an easy thing for me, but I am learning. I’ve been told over and over and over again by my own counselor, and by my daughters family counselor to ask for help, pull in my resources, this isn’t time to try and be a super hero. “You need support” they always say. I find it much easier to give than to receive, but in this case, I was ready to receive with arms open! Having that transportation help was the difference between hardship at my job, safety risks, and knowing that I know where she is from when she leaves home in the morning, to when she returns home.
If you are suffering through this, or know someone who is, ask for help. Call the help lines, go to the hospital, talk to someone, DO SOMETHING.
Get help – don’t give up. There is help out there – and people need to know. Don’t be afraid to talk about it.