I drive a little yellow VW bug.  The engine on my Honda died, so I sold it for parts, and my dad and I headed for the auction lot to find something that matched the money I had in my pocket.  We came upon this little yellow bug.  I’m not sure how long it had been there, but it needed a boost to get started.  We drove it around the lot and decided it fit the bill(s).  There was no warranty on the car – and they warned us once it’s off the lot, it’s yours.  We drove off the lot – me in the vw, and my dad behind me incase there was a problem.  The electronics didn’t seem to be working, but it was driving ok.  Some of the lights were coming on and off, but we were headed to the shop to get it checked, so I wasn’t terribly worried.  After a little driving, some of the lights went off, and the signal lights started working – I didn’t have to stick my arm out the window to signal anymore.  We did the regular checks on the car.  Breaks were good, oil fine, battery needed changing, lights in the rear needed some bulbs – nothing hugely major – all very doable.

After having the car for awhile, things started popping up.  The engine light went on – ended up being the sparks and plugs.  The boys at the shop got them fixed up and it was all good.  The engine light went on again – this time it was the water pump.  After awhile, this engine light thing started stressing me out – big time.  The car didn’t come with a manual, which meant every time the light went on, I didn’t have a clue what for.  On it came again – this time, something to do with an oxygen sensor.  They said there is no point fixing it at this point (can’t remember the reason), but now I live with the stress of that darn engine light coming on whenever it pleases.  I know why it’s on, but it stresses me just the same, every single time.  When it goes off, I breathe a sigh of relief.  I know the problem is still there, but the light isn’t on, so I don’t have to worry about it.

Mental health is just like my check engine light.  No manual, and no real idea why it happens when it does.  In my situation I know its there, but sometimes things seem just regular and the light goes off – I don’t even think about it.  Life can be just rolling along and then bang, the engine light goes on and all hell breaks loose.  We can be out on a pass, perhaps at the mall walking around in circles because home is too far away and we have to be in public, and things seem just fine.  The conversation is going great, and then all of a sudden, that check engine light is flashing.  There are signs sometimes that you can notice – fidgeting, lack of focus, erratic behavior, and sometimes its as quick as “we need to go.  NOW”.  In those moments terror strikes.  Why?  Because there is no manual, and no way to really know what is going on and how serious it’s going to be this time.  That’s the terrifying thing about mental health issues – the picture you see on the outside, is not the same as on the inside.

Another tricky thing is mental health issues take many forms:  anxiety, depression, OCD, ADD, ADHD, schizophrenia, psychotic behaviors, eating disorders, self harm…….and I’m sure I’ve left out a whole bunch of others.  Mental health does not mean you walk funny, or need an organ transplant,  you’re not in a wheel chair, and in most cases you don’t look sick.

What do you do when the light goes on?  Reach out for help.  Go the hospital and tell them what’s going on.  Go to your Dr. and talk to them.  If you have to, call 911.  Get counselling if you can, and not only for your child.  Go talk to someone who is neutral and can help you understand. One of my bigger fears was that I would be questioned for being a bad parent – never happened. There are entire departments set for mental health illnesses.  Yes – mental health is an illness just like anything else.

I’m still driving the bug.  At this point, the engine light is on regularily.  Do I know why – no, and truthfully, I don’t really want to know because I can’t fix it anyway, I just need to drive.

Stop the stigma.  Get help.  Reach out.