For those who know me, I’m sure you’d agree that I’m a hard worker. I like to stay positive, I’m always looking for the next great idea or a way to make a quick buck to pay for whatever Thing 1, 2 or 3 throw my way. I’m addicted to diet coke even though I know it’s horrible for me. Mexican food is my favorite. I’m always up for a party (unless it’s for me sometimes, weird, I know), I’m a tad competitive and like to win “the creams and the lotions and the goodies and stuff”! I love helping people and will always do what I can, no matter how tired I am. I’m not normally a crier – emotion isn’t really my strong suit. I’m sure my tomb stone quote will be, “How hard can it be?”

I’m a single mom. I get no support from a dad that does not participate in Thing 1 or 2 ’ s life – they have withdrawn from him completely (for their own mental health) long ago, and Thing 3 hangs by a thread. I have very serious reasons for not pushing harder for support right now, but that’s food for another discussion.

All that said, life costs money. I know there are a ton of single parents out there in the same boat foe one reason or another, and support or not, life is expensive. I want to share with you the costs of having a child in health care. We are so incredibly fortunate to have paid health care, but there are plenty of other expenses that have made being a proud mama very tough, especially when asking for help can sometimes deepen your own personal pain.

It took me awhile to learn the system, so hopefully my learning can help you…

Parking – $13.75/day
$39.75/week
$80/month

First get your day ticket. Keep it with you, then take it to the machine and upgrade to a week. Prior to the end of the week, (if your stay is longer), you can go to the head of your health unit, and ask for a stay form to be signed, that will authorize a longer parking pass. Take the signed form and your parking ticket prior to 4PM to the nasty lady behind the glass, pay another $40 and they will issue you a month long pass. It’s critical not to lose that ticket. They won’t reissue and you will have to pay more. One month I ended up paying $120 because I wasn’t there before 4. I thought they would add the two tickets together and count that equal to paying for 1 month but they said no. (They’re closed weekends too which doesn’t help). My warm fuzzies don’t really extend to the parking folks – they mean business and they have no sympathy. Also, quit driving in circles on the first level for parking. The lower level (L1) has better parking anyways. Keep your ticket and renew before you have to feed it back in the machine. That will be your only proof of payment . I ended up having to apply for some financial assistance and I needed those stubs to prove how much the parking costs .

Fuel

I’m sorry to all those oil folks, but it’s a 47 km drive each way from my house to the hospital. For the first month I was there every waking hour outside of work . My gas bill tripled each week putting me at $150/week instead of $50. I’m so thankfull gas prices have gone down. My income is budgeted to the penny and with parking and fuel costs, I now have about $300-400 extra with those costs alone, and no time to work a 2nd job anymore……

Food

A small cup of tea at the hospital is about $3, and a mediocre piece of pizza is $3.75 . Yes, bringing food with me all day would be smart but is just sometimes impractical, especially when the phone rings and plans suddenly change. You need to plan for someone to bring you something, or have change for a bite while you’re there. Even if you have to stay the night, they will provide your child food, but not you. Our fist night at the hospital.left me food less for about 32 hours. Not purposely – I was in so much shock I forgot to eat – and when I stood up I almost passed out. My fiance brought a care bag with some things to get us by till admission happened.

Prescriptions

You’d think that because your child is in the hospital, there would be no issue with health care, but not so . Whatever the reason they are there for is how they are seen. I decided to go give my daughter a little girl love and brought some things to give her a pedicure. While doing her feet, I noticed she had a badly infected toe, and 2 other badly swollen toes. I brought it to the nurses attention, and had to make a bit of a fuss for it to be taken care of. They cleaned it up and left it at that. I had to be a strong advocate to have a different Dr from another unit come and look at her foot . The point ? All the normal day to day stuff still happens, and you need to be a strong advocate to get it looked after. The units have tunnel vision sometimes – you’re responsible to keep remembering the big picture (advocated the small stuff too). If you need something not ordered through the unit, or ordered from another unit, you have to pay for it. The pharmacy at the hospital is only open till 5 so use one you’re familiar with. They will need to put the regular prescription in to the daily orders, so make sure that gets done too and follow up on it. If they decide to change meds, they will require both parents consent, so now is a good time to try and be on relatively good terms with your X , or at least be able to text. You’ll have to unblock their number from your phone or at least change the bad identifier name to something appropriate for others to see (I’m not bitter, really, lol). You’re probably going to have to convince them to say yes to a change their mind on whatever conspiracy theories are keeping them from agreeing. It’s a pain in the butt but also protects everyone.

Home Life

What is that? Ok, truthfully, I’m told the average stay in the mental health ward is 2-3 weeks, so your displacement will hopefully not be as long as mine. We’re in to month 5, with probably another month to go, and repeat admissions expected. That said, you’ll wonder what you used to do before . I’m very grateful to have a job that is so understanding, and boys that are so understanding too. My parents made us a few meals at first. I think that’s all my boys all the for the first week. Let’s just say they won’t be hungry for lasagna for awhile. I’ve never been one to ask for help, and I’m really lousy at it, but they will tell you to ask your friends for help. See if someone can deliver a few meals to your house so you don’t have to worry about your kids eating cereal for supper every night and so you have something to eat when you get home. Trust me. People feel helpless and so will you. They truly can’t possibly understand unless they’ve been there. If you’re reading this and you know someone with a child or family member in hospital, don’t when question it. Deliver a meal – leave it on the door step if you have to. Help pay for a parking pass (a friend of mine did this one month and I cried). Give them a little carry case with a cloth, some chapped lip stuff, toothpaste, gum – that sort of stuff). Sometimes the hours are long, and they pump air all the time that keeps you cold and dry.

Passes

Once they feel your child is “safe” and can use their new safety plans, you will have, I mean get to take your child on a pass. This starts as 30.minutws, then 1 hour, 2-4, 6-8, and then eventually overnight. Success rates change the formula. Passes cost money so be prepared. Going to the mall is going to cost you at least food, and probably a tshirt or sweater or something. The cafeteria will cost you carrot cake ($3.75 for that small piece?!) and a beverage- but don’t buy anything with caffeine – it’s not allowed.

I’m pretty sure that covers the most unavoidable expenses. Why am I telling you this? I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m a proactiv person. Acting is a much better feeling then reacting. Hopefully you knowing a little bit more about what to ask for and what to expect will help.

Stay strong – you’re not alone. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Ask for help.