I’m not a terribly emotional person.  I didn’t cry when I left the hospital the first time and had to leave my daughter behind.  I was exhausted, sleep deprived, confused, and really did not know what was happening.  I’m sure I’d be judged on many fronts (that’s why I haven’t really shared anything before). ” How does a mother go that long without knowing her child is having issues?“  “If she was really in tune with her kids, she would have known”. “She works too much.  She should have been there more often”. I know I’ve said these very things to myself.  My range of emotions was huge, but I didn’t cry.  Not at first, anyways.

The mental health ward is on the lowest level of the ACH.  You walk past oncology (I always say a prayer), immunology, ultrasound, diagnostics, emergency and then to an elevator just before PICU that takes you down.  After passing through the 3 different security doors, you enter in to a large open room.  I know I’ve talked about this before, but I want you to have a clear picture.

Contrary to popular belief, there aren’t kids banging their heads against the walls, screaming, drooling, moaning – all the things tv and movies make out mental health issues to look like.  Quite the contrary.  There are a maximum of 14 kids there at any given time, and numerous nurses, TA’s and security guards too.  You see sweet looking, happy faced little boys – no different from my own nephews.  You’ll see extremely thin, perhaps gaunt girls (and sometimes boys), that obviously are struggling.  You may see teens with brightly colored hair, often smiling and chatting.  Sure, ocassionally there will be an escalation where something has gone terribly wrong, but I find this happens more at night and isn’t a 24/7 occurrence.  When it does happen, they respond quickly and are able to block the patients on one side of the ward while they deal with it on the other.

The kids participate in intense programming and therapy.  They take yoga every day, have physical activity – probably more then they’d get elsewhere.  They have group therapy together, sometimes teen therapy (depending on the dynamics and patients at the time), counseling sessions, psychiatric sessions, family therapy sessions, individual work and sometimes a small amount of individual free time.  Friendships among patients are discouraged – they aren’t allowed to share much personal information, but they always seem to find a way.  There are 10 or so individual rooms, and a group room that will hold 3.  Each room has a bed, a bathroom, a closet, and sometimes a small desk.  The rooms and kids are subject to searches every day.  There are no secrets – or so they say, but as expected, the kids always find a way to smuggle or get things in.  There are 3 “NPR’s” that are small rooms with rounded walls and floor joints that your child might be put in if they are out of control.  There is also a high observation room for kids who need to have eyes on them 24/7, and need to be kept away from others.

There is a small but fully equipped kitchen where the meals are delivered to daily.  The kids are given hospital menus and choose what meals they want every day.  The meals are gross – really gross, but somehow the kids manage to eat.  Chicken parmesan has taken on a whole new meaning!  The kids have strict eating rules.  Eat at your assigned table.  Feet on the floor.  Finish (in our case) 50% of what you’re served.  Clean your dishes.  There are snacks like juice, milk, fruit, muffins and such that are made available a few times a day.  They keep toast and condiments on hand as well, so when all else fails they will eat something.  Sometimes they make, and burn, popcorn, and even cupcakes.

In the evening things get a little less serious.  Tuesday is bingo night – the prizes are amazing and the kids have a lot of fun.  This is up in the main cafeteria and patients throughout the hospital are allowed to attend.  Wednesday night is pet night on the 4th floor.  They have loveable dogs, cats, sometimes bunnies that the kids interact with.  Thursday night they have a clown named Sparkles that does a magic show.  She does face paint sometimes as well.  Other nights they will watch a movie, or sometimes do a craft.

Once a month or so there is a special family night.  The kids are allowed to invite a family member and share a special meal prepared by volunteers.  It’s a pretty big deal, the food is real, and the kids get to show off a bit.

Sound normal?  That’s the point.  It is.  Normal. The situation itself might not be normal, and it is frightening to leave the child you tuck in every night behind, but for the most part, the people suffering from this are just like you and me.  Small kids, teens, adults, seniors.  There is no distinguisher.

The stigma behind mental health does not show regular, every day people.  It’s not talked about, and people really have no idea.  1 in 3.  Look around you.  1 in 3.  Try not to judge.  Try and understand.  See it for what it is and if you even think for a moment that someone might be suffering, reach out and try to help.

If your child is at ACH, they will get great help.  The staff there works very hard to get your child safe enough to return home.  The average stay is about 2-3 weeks, but that doesn’t mean the average fix is.  As I was told this week, we need to watch vigilantly, choke back the emotion and be rational, and try to understand.

Don’t let go.  Get help. Reach out, and please, please get help.