It’s been about 5 weeks now since discharge from the Children’s Hospital.  How are things going?  That’s a really good question.  Actually, that’s a question I have been asking myself for about 5 weeks.  The styles of communication are so different between programs, and I’ve become so used to the stressful phone calls, that I’m not quite sure how to operate without them.  Would I even know if something is going wrong?

Today, for the first time in over 7 months, my 3 kids and I sat down at the same table and had breakfast together.  As a mom, I can’t tell you how thrilled it made me feel to see all 3 of them conversing respectfully, laughing and having a good time together.  At one point my daughter got out some crayons, and started coloring her placemat, which led to the 4 of us sitting, coloring our placemats and talking about how silly it would look.  We talked about life, politics, work, medication, and many other things.

Once breakfast was over, my oldest went his own way, and the other two loaded themselves in to the car with me to head home.  There was no music in the stereo that all of us could agree on, and neither kid brought their headphones, so once again we had to talk.  The conversation was light, and before you knew it we had reached the decent in to our town.  We passed a information sign that had listed different amenities for the town we live in, and on the same sign, was the 9-1-1 number.  My daughter looked at it and said, “really?  People need to see that?  How would you not know to call 9-1-1?”  I thought to myself, “little does she know.”

My mind raced back over all the different events since last September, and even back to last February. So many times in my life that number has gone through my head, and yet when I most needed it over the last year, it was the last number that went through my head.  I have always thought of myself as very level headed, and yet when it most counted, I didn’t even think of calling that number until someone said it to me.  “Call 9-1-1”!

Next came the question.  “Mom, have you ever called 9-1-1?”.  Really?  Didn’t she know?  I turned and actually looked at her for a moment.  That was probably distracted driving at it’s finest.  Have I ever called 9-1-1.  “Yes.  Yes I have”.  My son did a choke-sputter-laugh-cough in the back seat.  “Who for?” she said.  “Seriously?  Ok, don’t blow it.  Just respond calmly”, I thought.  “Once for your brother when he jumped out of his high chair and knocked himself out cold.  Once for your brother when he took a swan dive off the stairs and knocked himself out.” “How about for me?”  “Yes, twice for you”.  “Really? When?”.  “Once on the day, and once for The Event”.  (That’s how we refer to things – as neutral as possible.)  She stopped for a moment and cheerfully said, “Really?  Oh yeah.  I guess that makes sense”.

The three of us then began a conversation about 9-1-1, when you use it, and what happens.  Then for some reason she said, “I guess it’s like those other hotline numbers – like the kids help line.  Just call, and there will be someone who answers, no matter what the problem is.”  That struck me funny.  Since when did she know about the kids hotline?  I know that part of safety planning was supposed to be having those numbers available, but I haven’t thought about them since then.  So I thought, “what the heck.  I’m asking”.  “Have you ever called the kids hotline?”  “Yep.  One of the days when you left me at home for a bit I figured I should call.  It wasn’t an emergency or anything, but it doesn’t need to be”.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot of the day.  I could panic, be upset, probe further, but I’m not going to be any of those things.  I guess I would love it if I knew that every time my daughter was having an issue, or even a potential issue, she would trust me enough to reach out to me, but I’m learning that doesn’t happen.  I’m also learning it doesn’t really have anything to do with trust. The reality is, kids don’t reach out to their parents, and I’m sure that’s why these hotlines have been created.  What ever the reason is, they don’t feel comfortable saying how they may be feeling at the moment, so instead, they text a friend, email someone, fb a contact, or in this case, they call a hotline.  Instead of being upset, I’m going to be glad that she has learned enough to use the tools that are there when she needs them, and can be comfortable telling me about it after.  8 months ago my daughter wouldn’t hardly even talk to me, and now, she talks to me about so very much.

One of the best counselors I’ve encountered said to me once, “You be the mom – we can’t do that.  Let us be the professionals – you shouldn’t have to do that too”.

My biggest ask today would be, if you have children, program the numbers in to their phones, and post them by your home phone.  There are actual apps that can be on the screen and all they have to do is press the button to talk to someone.  Have the help there that they need, when they need it.  Explain to them that there may be a time when they need someone to talk to, and that you’re ok if it’s not you.  The important thing, is that they know they’re not alone, and that there are many forms of support out there.  Trust the systems that are in place, and then stick to your word, and don’t take it personally if they reach out to someone else.  At least they reached out.

One more thing.  Program emergency numbers into your own phone.  You may be stuck in a situation, and when you most need it, the last number that will come to your head is 9-1-1.  It didn’t come to me – and I don’t know what I would have done without it.