“Hello?”
“Hi, Ms. Johnsen?”
“Yes”
“We need permission to do a blood test”
“Um mm, ok…….what happened?”
“A patient smuggled in a sharp after a pass. 5 of the kids shared and self harmed. We will be testing your daughter for HIV, Hep, and will be retesting in 70 days for Hep”
“(Silence)………..OMG……..”

1 in 10 kids is self harming. That means at least 3 kids in your kids class, and I’d bet it’s more than that, are hurting themselves as a way of controlling the pain on the inside. It’s more common in teens, women, gay and bisexuals. Self harm is really easy to react to because we can see it. It’s alarming because it’s hard to understand. People self harm as a way of control, of feeling something – or something different.

Cutting seems to be an epidemic nowadays. I know of at least 3 kids in my daughters class that are doing it, which means there are more. Cutting is a superficial wound, not usually deep, but also very addictive. They tend to cut in places not easily seen – thighs, upper arms, underside of their breasts, hips, abdomen – places where a Dr might not even look. The wound will break the skin, and is at risk of getting infected. I’ve seen the self afflicted cuts, and even eraser burns. They’re nasty and very easy to react negatively too.

If you are looking for signs, inconspicuously look for fine silvery or white lines on their skin, unexplainable patterns of horizontal grouped cuts, and even in some cases deep obvious scratches. When you hug your child make note of their body language. Most importantly, if you do discover something don’t get mad – and this is really a hard one. I have reacted poorly to this one at first. Mental health issues are hard to understand and not often visible, so we don’t react, or we pin a label of “weird” or “nutso” and carry on. When you see a loved one with visible wounds you want to understand and help immediately, but really don’t know how. It’s easy to freak out, after all, you’re having to be all full of self control and understanding all the time when really you want to jump up and down and scream and shout.

Firstly, try not to be alarmed. If there’s a wound to be cleaned, do so as if you’re cleaning a scraped knee. Stay neutral with your emotions. I have bitten my tongue so hard sometimes that I’m surprised it hasn’t just fallen off. My daughter challenged me and said she wouldn’t talk about it till I did some research. There are a boat load of websites devoted to the topic – I encourage you to read them and be aware. Ignorance is bliss – I really understand the true meaning of the saying now.

Research I did, and it has helped me to keep a more emotional distance, but honestly the inner gasp is still there when I see it and my heart breaks for the inner pain causing it. Will she talk to me about it now? Not really, but at least she doesn’t get mad and will talk a little if I don’t push. I do know that it is just another way of expressing what’s happening on the inside, and that’s the issue to be more concerned with.

“Hello?”
“Ms Johnsen? We have the blood test results”
“(Silence)”
“Are you there? “
“Sorry, yes”
“All tests were negative. She’ll have to be tested again in 70 days”
“(Tears flowing) …….Thank you”.

Just a side note – be diligent and keep track of dates. They forgot to do the retest and didn’t do it till I called twice. Thank goodness for the family counselors at ACH. They’re great advocates when things fall through the cracks.

2nd test results? Negative. Whewf. Thank God