Summer 2013.  As I remember it, things seemed pretty normal, or at least as normal as they can be in a house with 3 kids, 2 birds, 2 bunnies, and one parent trying to watch over it all.  My daughter decided she wanted to try being a vegetarian for a month – just to see if she could do it.  I was game – why not?  Meatless Monday seemed easy, just figure out a different protein source.  The month went by quickly, and she was very proud of herself for completing it,  but little did I know that this was the start of a slippery downward slope.

How do you know if your child has an eating disorder?  How do you even know what an eating disorder is?  That’s when you eat and then throw up right?  Well, I’ve learned that’s not necessarily so.  There are 3 different types of eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, and eating disorder otherwise defined.  You can also add on to it a binge/purge cycle, that can or cannot be a regular occurrence.  If your child won’t eat their lunch, do they have an eating disorder?Maybe – and maybe not.  Here is what I know – and what I’ve learned.

Puberty is a crucial time.  Hormones start going wild, bodies start changing, and the whole thing just gets messy and confusing.  When your child starts cutting the food they eat in half, they start depriving themselves of super important nutrients necessary to keep their brains working and body growing properly. Of course, it never helps when media is pummeling our children every day with images of what is good looking, and what isn’t.  I never even heard the phrase “thigh gap” until the head of a popular clothing company said girls who don’t have one shouldn’t wear his stuff.  How many of our daughters do you think googled those words to see what it meant?

Once they get used to eating half their meals, the amounts start getting lower.  Sure, the family goes out for something great and they eat in front of you, but the rest of the day they compensate for extra calories they may eat.  Then a friend says something simple, like, “I wouldn’t tell you this, but I’m your friend, so, you’re not nearly as athletic, or pretty or skinny, or built as me.  People might think you’re fat.”  I never knew it, but when I heard my daughter talking to the therapist about how her “friend at school” told her this every single day since grade 4, it was all I could do but burst in to tears.  3 years of hearing it every day – no wonder………….

Anyways, so your child has an eating disorder – so does mine.  Here is what you should do, and what happens next.  Check for signs around the house.  Do you have a scale?  if so, where is it and why are your kids using it?  Who packs your child’s lunch?  Are they really taking one to school?  Where do you eat your meals.  If you’re allowing them to eat in their rooms, how do you know they’re really eating ?  Have you noticed a sudden change in the clothes your child is wearing, like a sudden switch from leggings and tight tshirts to sweats and baggy hododies.  Is your child pooping every day – this is important to ask.  Yes, it’s kind of gross, but it’s a pretty important body function.  Chronic constipation is a clear sign.  Bowels don’t work properly without enough water or food.  When I started noticing all of these things, it was already too late.  Damage had been done.

When food is deprived, the body can only take it for so long.  Depression starts to set in, anxiety happens, and the vicious cycle begins.  As malnutrition starts to happen, bruising starts to appear.  I didn’t know that multiple bruises are a sign of malnutrition!

Take your child to the Dr.  Call right away and get them in as soon as possible.  Insist on staying in the room until you can voice your concerns.  It’s very important for your child to see you there, and for you to say your fear in front of them.  It’s real – very real, and they need to know.  Once you discuss with your Dr., they will hopefully put a referral in to the eating disorder clinic.  The waiting list is horrible – about 6 months, but get it started right away.  Make a plan to visit your Dr. weekly to monitor things while you wait.  You need to know that an eating order is not about food, it’s about control, and pain, and depression, and low self image………..It’s very complicated and very complex.

Once you get in to the top of the waiting list, you will get invited to an information session at the Richmond centre where they’ll go through an hour long presentation.  Very dry, but also informative – and yes, parents and patients should attend.  At any point in the process, if you don’t attend an appointment you will not be considered for the program.  Don’t miss. By this time, your child has been through a ton of blood tests and questionnaires, so information is sent out and Dr’s are notified of results.   Next, based on the severity of your referral, you get set up with 4 different appointments:  Meeting with a Dr. at the eating disorder clinic at ACH – you will have to wait in the waiting room while they talk with your child for about 90 minutes – I’ve learned to crochet.  The nurse will ask you to sign forms, talk a little bit, and then you play the waiting game.  At the end of the appointment you will meet with the Dr. and your child and get a summary.  Next, on a different date, you get a 90 minute appointment with a nutritional dietician that will ask your child a ton of questions about how they got where they are now.  I will warn you – wear your big girl panties for this appointment.  You will need to bite your tongue harder than you ever have in your life.  Your child didn’t end up 25 lbs underweight by accident.  You will learn how calculating and planned they can actually be.  At one point, I thought I was going to explode.  I was so angry – not sure if I’ve ever been that angry before.  Once that is done,  you will meet with a Psychiatrist that specializes in eating disorders.  You don’t get to be in this appointment either – more crocheting.  At the end, you’re invited in to say a few things, voice concerns, and then it’s done.  You get another follow up with the Dr. where you sit in the waiting room for 30 minutes, and then last you meet with a family counselor back at the Richmond Center.  Both parents are supposed to be at this appointment, and their are a lot of hard questions, so put your feelings aside and just be straight with the situation.

Once all of the appointments are done, you are given a follow up date where medical and treatment decisions have to be made.  That was a very long week.  I ended up at that meeting alone.  The X didn’t show – didn’t want to take time off work, so I went and heard the prognosis by myself – that was very hard.  Bringing outside support really isn’t an option, so I’d suggest if you’re in that lone boat, to have some support set up directly after – it’s pretty emotional.

Here’s a terrifying stat.  Out of the children that die from eating disorders, 50% of them commit suicide.  It was explained to me like this.  Imagine a tree – we’ll call that tree depression.  Each branch is an issue – so just pick one and assign a name.  If the eating disorder, in this case anorexia with binge/purge cycle is a branch, and we treat that branch, we are still left with a whole untreated tree.  I was given a choice – treat the branch, but risk loosing the tree – OR – treat the tree, and learn to cope with a sickly branch.  A recommendation was made by them, and I chose to deal with the tree.  The good thing is that once you’ve made it this far, you have 6 months to reconsider and treat the branch without going through the whole process again.  After that – you start from scratch.

Eating disorders aren’t about food.  They cause anxiety, depression, malnutrition, low self body image, physical pain, and are very hard to understand.  All of these things fit under the mental health umbrella.  Do some research.  Watch your kids or your friends.  Get help.