Dear Psychologist,

I’m writing in response to a letter I received from the program at ADTP yesterday regarding my daughter.

First, I’d like to say I’m always disappointed when I receive a letter from a professional where details such as spellings of names and punctuation is wrong.  In your letter, my daughter’s name was spelled one way, and in the very next sentence it was spelled a different way.  As well, in the physical description portion of the letter, you described her as having blonde hair and blue eyes, when in fact she has brown hair and green eyes.  At no time has she ever had blonde hair.

On a little more important note, there is a section of the letter that describes me as having, “a history of anxiety and mood problems”.  Other than a short bout of post-partum depression 21 years ago, at no time have I ever been diagnosed with anxiety or mood problems.  Being that I have never had a conversation with you, I am not sure where this information was obtained.

As I am unclear as to the intention of the letter, my largest concern is the nature in which critical information has been delivered.  To receive a letter of this type in the mail without having discussed the content with a professional has caused me undue stress.  After 1 hour of researching terms, I managed to have a better understanding of the content, however the alarm was not necessary and could have been avoided with a professional discussion.

Over the last year I have experienced numerous communication breakdowns, but I must say this has been one of the most disturbing.  There was no marking on the letter at all that stated private or confidential.  The information contained in the different sections was very technical and should have been explained in context in a professional setting.  Had this letter been opened by the wrong hands, it could have been potentially life changing in a very harmful way.

I would like the following:

1.  An answer as to what was the purpose of the letter?

2.  Any statements of potential diagnosis of myself removed.

3.  Information as to whom, if anyone other than myself, has received a copy of this letter.

4.  Corrections regarding physical descriptions, medications and basic spelling.

5.  A professional, in person explanation of the terms and what they mean in relation to my daughter and the current situation.

The amount of stress this caused was unnecessary and could have been easily avoided.  I should not have had to spend time on Google, looking up medical terms and references in order to understand the descriptions being made.  I would hope that in the future, no other parents would receive a letter of this type without having the chance to sit with a professional and have a discussion first.

Sincerely,

I could have written a letter like this.  I was actually tempted, but the nagging in the back of my head would not let me wait that long, so today, I picked up the phone and began making phone calls.  First, I called my daughter’s last psychiatrist – no connection.  Then, I called the last family counselor – no connection.  Then I called the psychologist……….yet again, no connection.  Now I’m learning to be level headed, patient, and all of those other things that parents of the year are supposed to be, but there are times where you just don’t give up.  I kept calling.   At this point I decided to go a little higher, and believe it or not, I obtained the personal cell phone number of the director of the ACH and ADTP programs, (can you believe that?!),  so I called.  And I called.  And then I got through.

Calmly and graciously I explained what had happened, and the letter I got.  I will not go in to any description here, because believe me when I say this.  If this information was put in to the wrong hands, and if my daughter found it, it could be life altering in a very negative, potentially tragic way.  Not necessarily because it’s so bad, because in context it’s more heart breakingly sad than anything, but because it so tremendously technical, and the terms are largely misunderstood.  Judgements made from these terms could be devastating.  I know when I read it, prior to Googling for an hour, I was very scared and upset.

“Are you telling me you haven’t had anxiety or mood issues in your past?”

“No more than any other single mom with 3 kids left to raise them on her own without any support.  I will say I’ve been stressed at times when faced with payments coming every direction, not to mention all of the other things I’ve gone through.  That doesn’t mean I have a history of anxiety problems.  It hasn’t been easy, sure, but that doesn’t mean I need to be documented on paper as if being diagnosed.”

“ I hear what you’re saying.  I do understand how this could be alarming.  Who wrote the letter – as in who signed it?”

“My question, is who else has it.  This is serious.  I’m not amused.”

We continued to discuss the nature of the situation, and how I was left trying to understand it’s meaning.  After being commended on my calmness, I reiterated how this kind of communication, or lack thereof, is disrespectful and unprofessional.  Parents are in extremely vulnerable states when dealing with their children and mental health.  Adding situations of this sort to an already very heavy load is unnecessary and doesn’t have to happen.

My heart is very sore for parents who are just starting on this journey.  There is so much to learn about the system, and it’s so very frightening – especially at the start.  I wish I could hug every one of them and tell them it will be all right.  The programs are good.  They’ll get the help they need.

The truth is, there is no way I can reach everyone I want, and there is so much to be said. I realize, the same 12 people could be reading every post I make, which is good too, but am I really helping anyone?  I probably think of 5 posts a day I could write, but sometimes my energy ends up just being channeled in to staying strong myself.

What I can say now, is if you are just starting this journey, are in the middle, or maybe have no idea where you are in the big mess of things, know this.  You are not alone.  There is help – lots of it.  There are probably many people around you going through similar things and you don’t even know.  Reach out.  Listen to that voice inside you. (I recently learned that gut instinct is usually right, because of the strong connection between our gut and brain – makes total sense.  The largest concentration of nerves are in our gut, taking messages from our brains.)  Trust what you feel, and when you’re not strong enough to fight anymore, to make the calls, to answer the questions, and to stand strong and make your voice heard,  reach out.  The help is there.

I’m there – silently sending out prayers for everyone else going through this too.