How long will this go on?  How long will I be afraid to leave the phone, take a shower with the door closed, stay in a different room, or run to the corner store?  Will I ever be able to go away for a weekend?  Will I ever not be afraid or break in to a cold sweat when the phone rings?  Will there ever be a conversation that it isn’t mentioned or asked?

What happens when ADTP is over?  Will she be able to adjust to a normal school?  How will the transition straight to high school work?  I’m sure skipping the rest of this year in the last grade is the right decision, right?  What happens when there isn’t a nurse or doctor to run to?  How do we find the right counselor to transition to?

What happens if there’s another escalation?  Do we really have to go back?  Again?  Will the help lines be enough?  Have I learned enough?  Has she?  How can I afford more of this?  Is the medication working?  How will I know?

What about my own mental health?  Will people keep judging me?  Will I always be afraid?  Will my boss judge my capabilities based on what is going on?  Am I missing out on promotions and opportunities based on my personal life?  Is it really fair for other people to decide what I can handle based on what they think, without really asking?  What if someone finds out?

Am I making the right decision changing second jobs?  Will this decision work?  Is being scared ridiculous? Will I be able to make it?  What if I don’t?  What if I can’t pay my bills?  What happens if I don’t do well?  How will I ever be able to replace my dishwasher?  My hot water heater?  My bathroom fan?  My car?

Will I ever be able to go on a holiday?  Will my wedding ever happen?  Will we ever be able to join families?  What if they can’t move here?  What if they won’t move here?  Has this changed everything?

Is it normal to feel sick all the time?  Is it normal to be afraid?  Is it normal not to feel normal?

Can I believe what I see?

What would I do without her?