Part of being in a ward of 14 kids or more, is the reality that they’re all either going to get along and be friends, hate each other and fight, or a mix of both. Most kids end up there for only 2 to 3 weeks, so it’s not a huge amount of time but just enough to either connect or not.

Contact is strictly forbidden. No hugging, limited talking outside of group therapy, mostly private bedrooms, and if it’s shared then only one in there at a time except for sleeping, and generally supervised discussions to avoid unhealthy conversation.

I remember when I was a teenager – probably 13 or so. There was this group of boys in our neighborhood and I had a horrible crush on one. These boys were “wordly”, and there would have been no way my parents would have allowed me to socialize, so I remember hanging out in the back yard on our trampoline, just in case they walked by so I could see. I knew it wasn’t allowed, but if I could make some kind of contact it would make my heart jump. The point is, if there was a will, there was a way.

It’s no different now. Kids will find a way to bend and break the rules if they can – and they’re really crafty at it. On discharge they would pretend hug, and drop a paper with their contact info on it so it could be quickly picked up and hidden. They would smuggle in restricted items in their underwear or bras until they were caught. They’d tape razors to their skin so they couldn’t be found in clothing checks. They’d find ways to write contact info on parts of their bodies that weren’t seen so they could keep track of each other and make contact on the “outside”.

Now that we’re on the outside, there are no regular checks. Things are expected to carry forward and be more normal. The question remains – is contact on the outside good? What is normal, and at what point do I become concerned? Over the last few weeks there have been a few names that have come up. Emails from a girl whose parents figured a trip to Mexico would be the cure rather than stay committed to the program. There has been a patio coffee with a boy that was in emerge and then admitted twice during our stay. These were both forbidden contacts that have risen to the surface. Is it healthy to keep contact with people who suffer the same? Is it reassuring or detrimental to talk with others who suffer the same plight? At ADTP, there are no restrictions so numbers and emails are shared freely. We live in a different town so contact is limited to electronics, but it’s still there. I see a happier girl, who has compassion for other kids and finds comfort in not being alone, but the question still remains, and I imagine it will for a very long time. Will there be any long term negative effects from contacts with other patients? This journey we are on is not a short term blip in our lives. Mental Health is a life long journey that we are taking day by day. I’m so glad we got help – I could never do this alone