About every 3 or 4 months, I go and get a hair cut.  I’d probably go more frequently, but I’m a bit of a snob, and my hair dresser isn’t particularly cheap, so I’d rather go less frequently and get something good, then go often and have a disaster on my hands.  I love how it feels to have my hair washed by someone else.  The scalp massage is always wonderful, and having someone comb and play with your hair a bit always feels nice.

I remember when I was in grade 2, our teacher would read to us in story corner every afternoon.  I can even remember the book she read – “The Hobbit, or There and Back Again”.  It was the first time I had been exposed to J.R.R. Tolkien.  All of the kids gathered in the corner, and during that time, I actually felt a little popular.  I had very long curly hair, and the girls would sit and play with it while she read.  It always made me feel good.

There’s something to be said for having a new “do”, or a new outfit, or even cracking open a new colorful tube of lipstick. It’s not that it defines who you are, but it definitely helps you feel a little bit better about yourself.  It’s easy to feel more confident and sure of who you are when you feel good about how you look.

While my daughter was in the hospital, I spent a great deal of time giving manicures, pedicures, and even doing elaborate hair do’s and new colors.  The best part about the whole process, other than her feeling a bit more revitalized, was the fact that for 1, 2 or even 3 hours, she was all mine.  Want to know how to get your daughter to talk to you?  Paint her nails, give a pedicure, or do her hair. Now I don’t mean just get out a bottle of nail polish and start painting.  I mean get out the file, the cuticle remover, the clippers and scissors, buffers and trimmers, and really pour your heart in to it.  I found that when I really made it a labor of love, she started talking to me.  I would do elaborate designs using as many colors as I could get away with. We did blue hair, green hair, purple hair, and now, bright pink.

At first, only a few words were said.  Next, I spent a little more time, and got permission from nurses to bring in my own materials so I could draw things out more.  Eventually, I asked for a separate room to lay out hair dye colors, tin foil, brushes, and everything I would need for a spa day, just to spend time laboring over her, and showing her that time spent together didn’t have to be threatening.  Before I knew it, our times together were spent discussing huge topics, and before she knew it, she would start asking me questions and discussing things we would have never talked about before.  There were times where I had to choke a swallow pretty hard, but I would rather talk, then have no idea what she was thinking.  There were also times I got to share a little bit of life wisdom, that probably wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

Sometimes the beauty care didn’t work, so I invested in a game of Yahtzee.  What a great way to spend either a short or long period of time together, in an unthreatening way.  Again, conversations would open up, and when they didn’t, we could ease the tension by deciding if we’d go for 6’s or count a score for chance.  Either way, at least we were communicating.  Every time I felt a wall being built between us, I found a way to build a bridge to get to the other side, and if it didn’t work today, I would try again tomorrow.

Now that she’s out of the hospital, I have to find new ways to make this happen.  The hair coloring is still a good one, because it allows me to keep her in one place to chat, and she benefits from having fun and feeling good about herself the next day.

Sometimes working on the outside, can help bring out the beauty that hides within. There’s nothing wrong with that.