It’s been awhile since I blogged.  I guess I’m not feeling very inspired lately.  I started this blog to try and help someone – anyone – that might be going through the same journey.  I wanted a form of self therapy – somewhere I could express myself openly and feel a sense of relief.  Lately, I just feel really ticked off at a lot of things.  Maybe it’s just part of the process, maybe it’s a loss of faith in people, and perhaps it’s just exhaustion catching up with me.

So where are we now?  Things are going better – pretty well actually.  I mean it.  We’re down to 2 days a week at a program.  I have to drive as our transportation has been cut off for the summer, and her dad won’t help. That ticks me off, but what can I do. Same old story – so I take care of it myself.  Thank goodness my job is understanding.

Home isn’t too bad.  I’ve been able to take a knife back in to the kitchen so I don’t have to use a butter knife to cut veggies and such anymore.  That’s a real treat we take for granted.  I have a bottle of motrin in the house – call me crazy.  It’s not even locked up in a safe – just in my room.  Strings aren’t being removed from pants anymore, and groceries are disappearing which means she’s eating.  These are all good things.

I’ve made a few mistakes – accurate communication hasn’t been our strong suit.  It can be difficult to separate the normal teenage garbage from mental health drama, and in an effort to be reasonable, I’ve been a little stupid.  Good news is no serious harm done –  at least so far so good.

I find myself getting mad at stupid stuff.  A guy in the mall told me he could tell my skin care doesn’t have collagen in it and I almost popped him in the nose.  I did tell him he was a horrible human and very rude, and abruptly left.  My own fault for taking the free soap sample.  A lady asked me if I wanted to try some shorts on, and I told her I was painfully aware of the shape of my ass so no need.  Not something I’d normally say.  I did try and recover and told her I am a firm user of retail therapy and probably should invest in a shrink instead, but they aren’t open Sunday afternoons, and that’s my only time off lately, so I’ll just pay for the shorts.I’ll probably go return it all tomorrow anyways, as the guilt of retail therapy sets in and I convince myself I don’t deserve it.  Stupid endless cycle.

My house is a disaster.  My yard looks like, well, I can’t see my yard – the weeds and grass are too high.  Better for remodeling I guess.  A chance for a new canvas.  I kinda’ don’t even care right now.  Not the right train to worry about today.

I have some vacation coming up, and I’ll probably use that to try and look at life and perhaps get my own on track.  Have a garage sale.  Clean up.  Fix stuff.  Sell stuff.  Fix more stuff.  That kind of stuff.

I’ve had a headache for 6 days.  Not sure if it’s the weather, or stress, or both.  Probably stress I’m guessing.  Work is tough.  Money is tricky and always somewhat short.  We have another family member suffering from mental health struggles.  My fiance is stressed beyond belief. Seems like everyone around me is struggling.  I can feel their pain, and there’s not much I can do about it.

So why do I blog?  Doesn’t seem like there’s much to say, and I don’t know how this can help any more.  I’ve been told my blogs are wordy.  They’re too long.  They could be blocking God’s blessings on my family.  They’re too cryptic.  They’re too often.  They’re not often enough.  They’re depressing.  I should be doing them for money.  I should be doing them on different sites.  I should be sending them to higher people (whatever that means).

Again, why do I bother?  Maybe, just maybe, this track that I’m on could be shared with someone on a similar journey.  Maybe it will mean something to someone.  Maybe it will mean something to me.  Even if it just happens rarely, maybe, just maybe, one of us will be helped.

Things are getting better……really – they are.