If you would have told me a year ago that my life would have taken this route I would have never believed you. I always have thought I’ve had similar struggles other single parents have. Money is tough somtimes, and time can be sparse. I work a little too much and fall asleep in my chair when I should be in bed. How could things go really badly? I don’t drink hardly at all, don’t smoke, never done drugs, don’t party, and don’t really do a whole lot of anything really. Pretty boring eh? I feel fairly normal most days. I struggle with self image and emotional eating, but that doesn’t make me a bad person, right?

Tonight was the orientation for the next school phase for my daughter. High school – hard to believe. We’ve lived in the same town for 23 years, and when you’re in a small town for that long, you end up knowing everyone. You have the same parents around you from when your kids are in preschool, right through to graduation. Usually at these school type things you find the parents of your kids friends, sit together, joke a bit and hang out after while the kids spend time together and have some fun. Of course, being that there are 3 different schools feeding in to this one, I knew there would be a lot of unknowns there, but surely there’d be a familiar face for me to lean on.

Now I know full well there is a stigma that goes with mental health, but I didn’t really ever think that stigma would be turned towards me. I walked in to the gym, no real seats near anyone I knew so I sat alone. I was alone, and yet, I felt as if a thousand eyes were staring at me. “There she is.”“Look, I didn’t think she’d be here”. Actually, not really sure what they were thinking, but if I could have opened up a secret passage and slipped away I would have. First one dad looked at me. No smile, just some quiet words to the mom next to him. The mom looked at me, raised her eyebrows, and gave me a wonderfully toothy fake grin. Another mom looked my way, more than once, giving me that curious glance – should I ask?

It was a tough night. I ended up with a lump in my throat, and decided to wander the halls looking for my son’s grad picture. At least it would give me a warm fuzzy on a night that should have been exciting. All I could think was “How will she handle this?” I felt very sad, and very alone. The other parents went on their tour, and I went on my own.

I guess I just don’t really understand why people judge, and where the stigma comes from. Oh, I know I’m probably guilty of it to. I know I am. The question is, what are we really afraid of?