For 5 months now I’ve had to contemplate what life will look like once my daughter comes home. How will it feel when she’s here? Will things be the same? What should my expectations be?

There are many different ways I could probably look at this, after all, there is no hand book. I feel like I’m writing one as I go.

We’re in day 2 of our trial weekend home. One of my bigger fears has been letting my guard down too quickly, and I hope I’m not failing at that one. When you see your child acting “normally”, you forget, then the sleeves come off, the healing wounds and scars from the past show, and the quick reminder comes back that we’re not done with this yet.

The other side of normal is paranoid. “Is she eating enough? A broken plastic spoon? Strange? Where is the other half? Has she been out of sight too long? How long is too long?” I find my mind flipping between the rational mind and the emotional mind, when really it needs to settle in the middle at the wise mind.

It will take time to create normal in our house hold again. I will no longer be able to sell real estate as I can’t be away from her anymore. That makes it pretty hard to show houses, so after 10 years, I’ll be closing that down and will have to find a new way to supplement my income. Simple errands like running to the store will have to be more carefully planned trips together. Technology will have to be managed and handled differently with a turn in time at night. Safety check – ins now will have to happen. Simple questions like “feeling safe?” are now really important.

The wonderful thing about all of this is that planning and spending time together can be a really fun thing. We’ve always wanted to spend more family time together, so my fiance and I will now plan more family centered times on the weekend, and try to think of ways to engage these teens in something they find interesting. It might boil down to blankets, popcorn and movies, or a trip to a best kept secret restaurant, and may even a drive to Banff once we’re feeling more confident and adventurous. Travel is not recommended for 6 months to a year after something like this. I’ve seen parents disagree and take their kids on cruises or family trips, having to end short and bear the expense of an emergency trip home to hospital. How far is too far? That’s the question.

Meal times are different now too. No more eating in your bedroom or out of sight. Food is a tool now, used as a control piece, so attention to it has to be minimal. Finding vegetarian food that tastes good, has enough protein for a growing teen, and doesn’t get wasted is a new challenge. Plus, making sure my son gets what he needs also needs to happen so this will take some serious planning.

My work routine will also have to change, so thank goodness I have a tremendously understanding company. After this long of thinking, it only dawned on me yesterday that I may have to bring her to work in the morning to be picked up there. I can’t leave her alone for the 15 minute gap between when I will start and when she will be picked up for school. At least not yet.

I’m sure there are many more things that I will recognize along the way. Awesomely enough I’m feeling supported by family, friends, and work which makes a huge difference.

There is so much help around, and people willing to reach out, all we have to do is ask. Things will become routine again. Life will feel regular. I’ve hopefully learned enough to press forward with eyes wide open