Every one of us has an escape, a vice we use or some kind of relief for whatever pain it is we’re going through. Some people use drugs or alcohol, some pain killers. Others may use food or exercise, and some use self harm. I think most people would agree that we’ve all been caught in a moment, whether we can explain it or not, that an anxious or maybe just negative moment has caused us to use that vice for escape. “ I could use a drink”. “My body hurts”. “Life sucks. Where’s the ice cream?”. “I’m just going to run till I don’t feel lousy anymore”. Do any of these sound familiar ?

My vice is food. I want to make good choices, I want to do well., however, due to reasons I have recently discovered from my own child hood all the way to my first marriage, I have attached my self worth to what I see in the mirror, not what’s in my soul. Sad, isn’t it? At some point I decided others were right. My pain has caused me to eat, and the result has been hard on my body, and my wallet.

Yesterday my daughter and I had a girls night. We decided supper, a movie, and some fresh fruit and popcorn for a treat. Because she will be turning g working age soon, one of the topics of discussion was finding a part time job. I have a lot of connections in town, so I decided to stop by a local shop to have a chat with the owner and see if they are hiring. We both went in and had a nice discussion with the owner. While he and I caught up on business talk, she got to sit and watch a little to get a feel of the place. Our chat was fairly short,but just long enough to get a feel of the fit. When we got back in the car, we decided this would be a good fit, and then the question. “Do you think I’d have to wear a short sleeved shirt?” “Yes, I believe so. That’s the dress code”. We both looked at eachother, with eyebrows raised. I knew what she was thinking. A short sleeve shirt will show the scars, and people will ask questions. “Well,” I said, “ you have a few choices. You can ask if you can wear a long sleeve shirt underneath, or you can just go with it and let the chips fall where they may. You can’t hide forever.” “You’re right”, she said. “It’s not a big deal.”

We can’t hide forever. Try as we might, there are consequences to our choices. What’s even harder, is we can be ruthless towards things we don’t understand. Although in my head I know why, I can’t begin to understand how someone could carve themselves up with a razor. I don’t understand how someone could shoot a needle in to their vein, or drink till they pass out, but I do understand pain, and I also understand that the only way past it is unconditional love and acceptance. I don’t imagine someone who over exercises, or takes pain killers understands why I over eat.

We are the master of our own decisions, and yet at some point in time, we all make bad ones. In an instant life can change. Consequences can be harsh. The good news is there is always help. Wounds can heal, and we can forgive ourselves, and others if necessary. I’m not saying it’s not hard, I’m just saying it is possible.

Perhaps we could all start by saying sorry – first to ourselves, and maybe to others? How about just being a little more loving and accepting to one another? We could all use a little more love, – couldn’t you?