Last week I was supposed to be on holidays.  I had 12 days I had to use up prior to the end of summer, so I booked a week off to go to the lake.  I knew it might be a little complicated because my daughter has been so busy, but I was really looking forward to some down time, and maybe a little normalicy.  I had arranged with her program that she could miss 2 days, and just said we’re headed out of town.

The first derailer was unavoidable.  We had a family emergency, and my fiance had to head overseas, so I took all the kids.  No problem.  One more kid in the mix?  I’ve done it before, I can do it again.  Then we had the school reunion melt down night.  After that whole incident, I decided that at least 1 day of program would be necessary to try and straighten things out.  The problem came with 2 teens discussing suicide via text.  Then one puts her phone away, the other freaks out, and the police are now involved.  That was not the best moment and was definitely a very stressful start to the week.  We could still potentially have almost 2 days away, and get my daughter back to her job on Friday and Saturday.  The next issue came with more appointments, taking up the other days of the week.  Oh well.  That’s kind of how it works – not going to sweat it.

Thursday came, and my daughter was supposed to be at program.  Fairly early, she came up the stairs and said she didn’t have to go.  She had texted a counselor and said she was tired, and they said she didn’t have to be there.  We were supposed to be on vacation anyways, and I had numerous other appointments, so I was a bit relieved.  There was a little voice inside of me saying check the phone, but I dismissed it and went on with the day.

The week passed, and Monday came with work, appointments, cleaning, laundry and all the other fun that goes with a busy family.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go to work at 6 am, leave at 915 to get her to her program, head back to work, go back to pick her up at about 4, and then back to work to finish off what I missed and put in my time during the day.  As I drove to the program, I received a text asking me to come in and touch base when I dropped her off.  Sure – I could do that.

“Did you think it was ok for your daughter to miss Thursday?”

“She said the other counselor said it was ok.”

“No, it wasn’t ok and that’s not what he said.”

“I’m sorry – I’ll take responsibility.  I didn’t check her phone and just took her word for it.  I should have checked.”

“Everyone was asking where she was.  It’s not ok to miss as this is part of her therapy.”

“Yes, I’m sorry.  I should have checked.  I did kind of wonder, but we were supposed to be on holidays anyways, and I had a crazy day so I just took her word for it.  It won’t happen again.”

“On Thursday we’d like to have a family counseling session and talk about communication.  There seems to be a lot of problems with that lately.”

“Yes, I think that would be a good idea.  There are things I’d like to discuss around that as well.”

“Ok, Thursday at 4?”

“Sure.  Thursday at 4.”

That conversation bugged me the rest of the day.  I want to trust my daughter, I really do, but this was putting me in the position of a major trust breach and feeling that she lied to get her way.

“How was your day?”

“Good.”

“How was your testing today?”

“Long.  I have a headache.”

“We have a family session on Tuesday.”

“I know – about my “mis-communication.  I’m sure I have the text mom.  I swear they said I could miss.  I don’t understand why I’m in trouble.  I swear they said yes.”

“Can I see the text?”

“I’ll read it to you.”

She proceeded to read a conversation to me between herself and a counselor, who had said he preferred she come to program that day, and it’s part of her treatment, but if she felt she needed to rest he was in approval and “by all means you should stay home and rest prior to work tomorrow.”  That sounds to me like they said it was ok for her to stay home.  We took a screenshot of the conversation, and I sent it to the other therapist.  I wanted her to see it prior to our counseling session.

Part of me is relieved.  Part of me is saying “whewf.  She didn’t lie.”  Part of me is saying, “you should have checked the phone!  You felt it in your gut, why are you still ignoring that?”.  And then a large part of me says, “Here we go again.  I can’t believe this.  A counselor threw her under the bus, and now we get to have a counseling session and discuss a text. Are the counselors telling each other stories? Why can’t we get this right?”

When we came in to the program, they told us the door was always open in an emergency.  An emergency happened, and we were turned away.  Bad communication?  On who’s part?

We were told go ahead and send a text to reach us.  The text was sent, an answer given, and now we’ve been called in.  Bad communication again?  Our fault?

4 tomorrow. Here we go again.