What do you think it feels like to sit next to your child’s dealer?  Yes – drug dealer. What do you think (in this case he) looks like? What do you think his family looks like?  How do you think you would feel?  Could you say anything….anything at all?

Today I attended YAP – the Youth Addictions Program at one of the local hospitals.  We were led by a lady on the 6th floor of the old nurses residence, into a tiny little over heated room.

In the room were 8 chairs, partly filled by a few teens and their parents. One boy was a stereotypical anti social type with pale, unhealthy skin, sweatpants and a hoodie, and shaggy bangs that fell over his eyes. If he tipped his head forward just a bit, they would hang so he didn’t have to make eye contact. There was a girl in the room with her mom. She looked more like the type who had been caught using and was being forced to attend. Her legs were covered with large, dark purple lesions that had been picked at. Her mom sat next to her, arms folded, not saying a word.

We entered the room and picked  chairs right across from the lady in charge. We all sat quietly, waiting for the orientation to start. Finally, 3 more people entered the room. The boy was tall, clean cut, dressed in pants, a tshirts and a baseball hat. The mom looked very familiar to me, however I couldn’t place where I had seen her before, and I didn’t recognize the dad. The parents picked the 2 chairs furthest to the left, leaving one seat open for their son next to me.

“That’s him”
“That’s who?”
“Him.  The guy I bought stuff from.”
“What? You mean the kid next to me?”
She nodded her head yes.

I could feel my eyes get big, and my eyebrows touch my hairline.
“Don’t look. Man – I swear I know his mom.  Don’t look. This is awkward. I don’t even know what to think. What do I do?  This is weird.  Seriously….where have I seen her?”

The orientation began, and the nurse gave us some handouts and began to talk a little about the program.

– 85 kids are part of this program at any given time.
– 325 people are in the adult program – it has a 5 to 6 month waiting list. Be thankful you’re not waiting for that one.
– The program is our cities best kept secret for substance abusers, sex addicts, and gaming/Internet addicts

Then came some hard facts.

All Cocaine in our city and area has been cut with a drug used for livestock for the last 4 years. In humans it causes a decreased white blood cell count and lowered immune system.

Opiates like Fentanyl are 10 times stronger than morphine and are popular because they’re only $20 a hit. Problem is, there’s no way to tell what the concentration is and what else is involved.

W12. That’s the new one. Even more dangerous than Fentanyl.

If you are on Opiates we will give you an antidote kit for free.

She continued to go through some stats and facts about the program and continued to ask if we had questions.

The more she talked, the more my head felt like a pinball machine in the bonus round. Ping, ping, ping ping, ping. Lights going off everywhere in my head as events over the last year began to make sense.

“OMG. I know where I know her from. She’s an urgent care nurse. She’s taken care of us before. I wonder if she recognizes me?  This is really awkward. Just look at the floor.  I’m sure she doesn’t even know I’m here.”

Who was I kidding. There were only 10 people in the room. Of course she could see me!

What does it feel like to sit next to your kids dealer?  I felt nothing. Nothing at all.  I just know that if I would have seen this kid anywhere, I never would have guessed. I would have thought I’d feel some kind of emotion, but truly. Just blank.

The kids were given a form. “It’s your choice. You have to want to participate. Fill in the circle if it’s a yes. Fill in the triangle if you’re not sure. Fill in the square if it’s a no.”  The kids filled out the forms and turned them in face down. “If your child filled in the circle, I will call you Monday to set up a 4 hour assessment.  This is their choice – not yours.  Thank you for coming. Be safe. ”

“She was our nurse once, wasn’t she?”
“Yeah. Funny thing was when you weren’t there, she told me I should tell you. She’d want to know if I was her kid.”

I stopped in my tracks foe a moment. So strange. So very strange. I don’t even know what to think.

If you think someone you know may be using and needs help, here’s a few things to look for:
– flick lighters for no apparent reason
– unexplainable erratic behavior
– run down, low immune system
– unable to sleep without meds
– lack of concentration
– frequently being late or more social than normal – or even the opposite
– bruised knuckles, wrists, ankles
– unusual appetite
– sudden stopping of other self harm or damaging behaviors
– thin skin, unusual blemishes or picked at skin
– emotional over compensation
– sneaking out

Even if you have a doubt, and you’re scared your kid might be involved in something scary, reach out. Get help. Ask questions and if someone says they have questionable information, don’t take it personally. Addictions are a symptom and dont make ypu or anyone a bad person. Time for a root cause analysis.