There is no manual.  There are no real guides. This is day 8107 of parenthood, and I’m writing a book with the wrong title.

What does a parent do. We can teach our kids, instill in them our morals and values, plan for them and share our dreams for them, and yet truly, we really have no control. 

Absolutely. No.  Control.

They are not ours. I think that’s the mistake a lot of us make.  We have children. We raise children, but they are not ours – at least they don’t belong to us. 

They are their own people, and we are blessed with the gift of time as their parents.  Every single time they walk out the door, they have a choice to be. 

For me, the hardest part of being a parent is really not having anyone to share with without being judged. I see “regular” parents chatting about how many bananas their son eats, or how many dance shoes their daughters have burned through. 

Put together a group of mental health parents. What would we talk about?  Seriously.  “Hey, I was looking through prescriptions this morning and couldn’t remember what each was for, then I saw they were all empty, so I just borrowed from another bottle to tide the other one over.” “LOL, oh yeah, that happens to us all the time.” Or how about this, “my daughter was cutting last night, and we ran out of first aid stuff, so we had to use saran wrap, lol.” “Really? You too?  Lol. Ah the struggles.”  But we don’t talk. We just don’t. 

I could go on. I have kids. 4 now, in total. I laugh about strange things, because really, that’s about all I can do sometimes.

I can’t talk to anyone really, because I don’t want pity. I don’t want the sad eyes. I don’t want to be more frustrated.

Really, I just want to be me -.and be accepted for that.  I’d really like to go a day without feeling bad about the way things are. I just really need a laugh. I think that’s it. 

Maybe today, day 8107, has just left me feeling a little selfish.  I’d like a job that recognizes my skills so I wouldn’t have to struggle so hard. I wish I didn’t have to change who I am to fit the mould. I wish I was just better at this life thing.

The funny thing is, even with all the frustration and grey hairs, the very one thing that has made me the most fulfilled, is the last….. 8107 days. 

Thank you, whoever you are, for that gift.

If you need help. Reachout.