Two years ago today, my life changed forever. I suppose I could say that about many days, but this reflection is a little different. 

As my daughter and I sit together this morning, I can’t help but think of everything we’ve been through, and all the progress we’ve made, at least I think we’ve made.  The unnerving thing is, I can never be totally sure we’re on the right track.

At this point we’ve been through ACH, ADTP, YCUSP, CASA, YAP, and various other private and school counselors. We’ve dealt with anorexia, psychosis, self harm, cutting, bolemia, suicide, depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, substance abuse, sleep disorders, PTSD, sexual assault, night terrors, chronic dietary issues, chronic pain, ……and that’s just the part I know – or remember.

The great part is, we’re still all here. Bruised, wounded, and limping a bit, but we are all here. I have learned so much, and yet I feel I really know nothing. 

I have seen no change in the stigma behind mental health. I’ve seen special days erected and campaigns, however in real life, I struggle to see any change at all. 

My own mental health has suffered greatly. PTSD has me quaking at things that never used to shake me at all. I cry in my sleep and feel like I rattle on the inside. A lot of times I have to choke back tears for no reason, and yet I can’t cry. Not really. I know the people I’m close to can see it, and it only adds to the guilt and stress knowing my feelings cause them to suffer. I’m what they call a high functioning sufferer, but I fear the function is slipping. Mental health is like an ice berg – you can only see a small bit of the bigger thing that lies under the surface. 

I feel like I’m ready, we’re ready, to turn a corner and move forward. It’s time to leave this disaster behind, and yet I know in truth, the mental health struggles won’t go away – especially with my kids. These are realities, not just a virus that runs it’s  course then goes away. That is one thing I really can’t even think about. 

Today the sun is shining. All 4 of my kids are alive, functioning, and doing better than yesterday. I know we have our challenges ahead, but today, I’m going to be thankful that we’re all here to tell the tale. 

Perhaps, just maybe, someone else can find help in what we’ve been through, and the journey that lies ahead. 

If you need help, please, reach out. When you’re gut tells you something isn’t right, listen to it. If your child wants to talk, or is asking questions – listen very carefully. 

Don’t take the chance and don’t be embarrassed. Reach out. Get help.